The Art of Seeing Children Within Education
Max is a 6-year-old boy with big blue eyes. He has sleek blond hair and is quite small. He talks very little and has difficulty making contact with his classmates. He started a few months ago at his new school in the countryside after he was placed out of his parental home temporarily by child protection services. Max has already seen and experienced a lot in his early childhood home.
At his new school, it didn’t seem too bad at first with the anger attacks for which the new school had been warned. Max observed a lot and seemed to calm down in his first few months at school. However, after a while, Max sometimes got angry out of nowhere, or for something seemingly insignificant. He did not become a little upset, but became enraged, was no longer approachable — and was often violent, even to himself. He beat classmates, or the teacher when she tried to calm him down.
Several experts were asked for observations and provided advice to the action shy teachers. With all they had in them, they tried to make arrangements, with the teachers and of course with the caretakers, to make sure Max learned to control himself. Also with Max, they tried to make arrangements, but he talked little and at the moment he exploded, he was unable to calm down.
Many things were tried, but Max’s behavior was not to be controlled, it only got worse. Other kids didn’t feel safe anymore and the school team was desperate and really sad for being unable to help him. In the end, it was decided that Max would go to a new school, a school for special education, specialized in difficult behavior.
During a history lesson at an elementary school in Finland. After 5 minutes into the lesson, Mika exploded. The teacher had urged him to stop talking to his neighbor for the second time. Mika shouted at the teacher, knocked over his table, and stormed out of the classroom. As he walked out, he knocked down classmates’ pencils and threw them on the floor.
The teacher waited a moment and then continued the class imperturbably, gave a few more minutes of instruction and when he had ensured himself that the class could start working, he quietly walked out of the classroom. Mika stood a little further, his back leaning against the wall, still angry, tears of anger streaming down his cheeks. The teacher walked up to Mika, didn’t say a word, put a hand on Mika’s shoulder, pulled him towards himself, and gave him a long hug. Without saying a word, the teacher took him back to class. Together they cleaned up the mess and continued the lesson, without even mentioning the incident. Upon being asked after the lesson why he had acted like this, the teacher answered: Anger is only a symptom. Fighting symptoms makes no sense at all, it doesn’t get to the heart of a child. If you know Mika’s background, and you know where he comes from, then you know that his anger stems from a lack of love. And that’s exactly what you have to give him when things go wrong.
As managing director of a primary school board in the Netherlands, it is easy to let yourself be distracted by dealing with the capriciousness of politics, modern cost-effective strategies, or long term policy writing. Having previously worked as a teacher and headteacher for quite some time, I am convinced that especially in my current job, it remains essential to keep the needs of each individual child as the starting point of all you do.
Classrooms have become bigger, more children with special needs have remained in regular primary schools in the last decade. As a reaction, various kinds of behavior regulation training courses have been followed by educators. Also, different variations of systems that foster positive behavior have been implied. They absolutely have their positive effect and this article is not about criticizing any of these. However, in order to possibly be a difference-maker in the life of a child, an educator needs to consciously create (a series of) moments, to be able to show genuine interest and love for a child. In such a way that the child feels appreciated for who he or she is: A wonderful and unique human being.
The organization of current education is increasingly guided by the efficient use of resources, with the average group size (25 in the Netherlands and 14 in Finland) being the starting point for financing the schools. When this is the case, is it then possible to organize education in such a way that it does justice to each individual child? More and more often the answer is no. In many countries, the groups are getting bigger, so the teacher spends a lot of time trying to keep control of her group.
In the Netherlands, children with learning and behavioral problems stay longer in regular education. In itself, this movement towards more inclusion does not have to be a wrong one, but it will have to be accompanied by investments in the care for the children. When this is not the case, the focus on the manageability of a class becomes even greater. Children who exhibit inappropriate behavior are then more quickly seen as the troublesome ones. Together with experts, the school considers which measures contribute to better behavior regulation. All kinds of measures are devised, with related consequences. And, if the behavior does not change for the better, first steps are taken on the route towards a school for special (primary) education.
This was also the case with Max. He is now at his new school for special education, in a classroom with more children with similar problems. He gets help from behavioral specialists and has therapy twice a week to prevent him from getting anger attacks. He is doing relatively well, however, he is out of the social environment of the caretaking family and the school in his neighborhood. It is hard to say if it was the right choice for him, maybe it was. However, it also raises questions. Has the school team had the opportunity to get to the heart of the problem? Or, were the actions of the teachers aimed at fighting symptoms?
The question of whether the team took the time to really see Max is very important. Not just to see him in class and try to respond adequately to his displayed behavior, but to see him as a beautiful person who is entitled to your sincere attention.
This can be achieved by creating moments of sincere contact. These can be moments in and outside the regular classroom organization. This might not be easy to arrange, but the reward will be worth it.
At first, make sure to take time for each other, as a teacher simply showing that you are there for him. You don’t have to force a conversation, maybe he doesn’t say anything, what matters is that he sees you sitting there in front of him. You might want to let him know that certain skills are really difficult, that it’s ok to fail sometimes and show bad behavior. As a teacher, you try to create a feeling that’s often called “psychological safety”. Subconsciously you let him know that he is a human being with just as much right to exist as any other person. That he is worth (your) love and effort.
Every day again, for a short while, you are there for him and you show a sincere interest in his being. Suggestions can be taking a walk together, play a computer game he likes, or a board or card game. Read a book about a topic he likes or you like, or make a drawing together. You can co-create and for example, write a poem or story about a fictional figure. Arts and crafts activities work wonders, as does playing sports. Shoot a couple of hoops, either kick or hit some balls, it doesn’t matter. It’s all about the unspoken message you send, not about what you say. Maybe you share a laugh or a talk about what happens, there’s no need to address the difficulties. What comes into play is that social activities, like laughing and talking cause the body to release oxytocin (the cuddle hormone), helping people to bond with others.
In the classroom, you can continue to acknowledge your bond. When passing by, smile at him, or put a hand on his shoulder shortly. Give him a wink out of the blue and never pass on the opportunity to hand out a sincere compliment. You can ask him to be responsible for a certain thing in the classroom, watering the plants for example. If watering the plants is done after school hours, you have created yet another opportunity.
Maybe you find out what moves him, what bothers him, and what triggers his anger. Maybe not. But more importantly, you give a child what it essentially needs, like Mika’s Finnish teacher did.
Does this solve the problems? Would it have been different with Max? Chances are that the answer is no. Some children have been so damaged in their short lives that it is impossible for a teacher or school team to solve or eliminate the problem. But that is not the point.
The point is to take time at schools to really see each and every child, to get to the core of their humanity. Only then is it possible to give a child what he or she needs: Genuine interest and love for who he or she is as a human being, regardless of his or her behavior.
